Fallon & Timberlake try to make you forget they're white.

Just to prove that if you write long enough you'll probably write something you never thought you would - like...

Hey, here's some pretty funny Jimmy Fallon.

Actually Fallon brings something to his material that too many miss, a real sense of fun to performing. Justin Timberlake continues to build an entire career on that idea. So here, enjoy two guys just having some fun doing something they're obviously enjoying... making for one of those very rare, late-night magical moments.

Tony Heywood to launch slick new Surf competition!

Though the well's been static killed and the cement is hardening in the pipes, don't believe for an instant that former "spill czar" Tony Heywood is heading to Russia's hinterlands. What actually seems to be the case is that when Heywood famously complained to Louisiana locals that he wanted his life back, he was actually envisioning a life as a pioneering sports entrepreneur, with his feet, and some say head, buried deep in oil coated sand.

Just in time for the summer/fall swell in Gulf shore wave crests, Heywood is launching a new twist to a sport that is a shoreline tradition, surfing. Or that is, Slick Surfing, a slippery board-sliding spin on hanging ten and shooting the pipeline. Taking advantage of the thick raw crude that has mixed with gulf sea water, Heywood is promising a surfing competition circuit more challenging and entertaining than any before.

Asked if recent developments in stopping the flow of crude from the Deep Horizon disaster will hamper his efforts, Heywood commented, "Actually, we've got more than enough oil content right now in the Gulf, what with more than 5 million barrels spilled, even with what's been cleaned up, we're confident that there's still more than enough out there to make for great conditions over the two months of competition."

Heywood enthusiasm continued, "We're ready to to utilize the same type of skimming operation that's already been used, to round up stray oil and redeploy it closer to beaches in areas we may need it. On a good day we should see quite a bit hitting the beach with our riders and with the overwhelming amount of dispersant in the water, the thick clingy oil patches are thinning and spreading nicely. The boards get coated with the stuff and they get slippery as hell. This is going to take some real skill to ride. We think we'll be seeing an entirely new set of surfers rise to the top of the sport."

Heywood did acknowledge that his technical and logistics teams have already begun to address what could become a troubling snag to his plan. Some early indications show that the highly toxic dispersants used to clear the heavy oil may actually be eating through the wax and fiberglass of the surfboards. Heywood optimistically pointed out that it may simply require a new plastic polymer formulation be used to make a special Slick Surfing competition surfboard to be used exclusively on the circuit. A material he's quick to point out, that couldn't be made without an oil based formula. When asked if there was any inherent danger to the surfers Heywood snapped back, "These are athletes in top condition, young and resilient. There is recovery time required in every sport after any top competition. Have you ever watched downhill skiing, I mean really?!"

Details for the opening of Slick Surfing season appear to be forthcoming and insiders say representatives at ESPN have been contacted in regard to making Slick Surfing part of its popular X-Games summer coverage. Ever the showman, Heywood added, "what with the recent oil accidents and spills in China and India, we may have something here that we can open up internationally, you know, and get world names, world fans of the sport. With the oil and dispersant enhancements, the challenge and excitement of surfing gets bumped up to a new level. We see this as exactly what may take the sport to Olympic competition".

BP: wildlife happy to go.

In an official company press release (uh... seem to mislaid our copy, you'll just have to take our word on this), BP oil has published a photo proving the company's claim that it is not inhumanely affecting the wildlife in and around the Gulf coast region.

The photo, which shows a deceased duck bobbing on an oil slick was accompanied by BP's statement which made reference to the day to day struggle for survival that all wild creatures endure.

BP states that the photo clearly shows that this duck, relieved of the hardships of finding food and safe shelter, has accepted its fate gladly and calmly, rolling onto its back, legs stretched to the sky to quietly float over the gently rolling sea, quite obviously enjoying its final relaxing moments in the southeastern sunshine.

BP claims this scenario, which has been repeated thousands of times throughout the Gulf's ecosystem, seems a welcome respite for both fish and fowl.

Tony Hayward, BP's CEO added, "Really, how long does a duck live anyway, seriously, does anyone really know? What is it, days, a few weeks? And Pelicans, come on - those things could kill you with those beaks. God, if we had those in the UK, they'd be hunted for sport. You wanna walk your 4 year old down a beach with those things poised to attack? Get my point? Really, we're feeling that there's a threat there that we're happy to be eliminating."

A Fix of Stewart

When the real news gets to be a little much (that BP guy in the White House for instance), there's always John Stewart. Here's the daily show take on discovering gold in 'dem 'dere hills of Afghanistan...

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Ore on Terror
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Tea Party

As the Gulf goes black, BP says lighten up!

As the Gulf of Mexico runs black with oil, BP is urging Americans to see that there's always a bright side. BP executives are quick to point out that all that thick black crude creates a sheen on the water that, in the words of BP's chief, Tony Heyward, "looks kind of pretty in the sunset".

Today, BP has announced two moves designed to assure us that the petroleum giant not only acknowledges their responsibility for "repurposing of the Gulf of Mexico into the world's largest free access oil reserve", but that they also have begun planning for payment and compensation of "returning the Gulf to its former, energy resource concealing condition" should the US government "ultimately insist on hoarding America's vast oil reserves by hiding them deep beneath the floor of the Gulf of Mexico".

The first initiative announced, a fund raising effort, involves an opportunity for individuals around the globe to both participate in and commemorate this unprecedented release of the Gulf's vast oil resources. "Setting Energy Free" is number one in a series of numbered and limited edition collectibles, the first of which depicts the Deepwater Horizon oil rig surrounded by scale model working fireboats and features an easy to operate "explosive" butane flame, perfect for lighting quality cigars. The artist's rendering of preliminary design models is shown here.

Accompanying this news was the unveiling of a special new BP limited-time logo that will be stamped onto the certificate of authenticity for the collectible series. The revised logo will officially represent the company's Gulf operations throughout the time that the oil release, some 5,000 feet below the surface of the Gulf is allowed to continue to run free. Of course, that time period is yet to be determined.

MLB considers next step after radar guns!

A couple of nights ago, the Philadelphia Phillies baseball organization took a few moments in the outfield to demonstrate to Major League Baseball their new idea in tagging out base runners. A redshirted volunteer was selected from the fans and tasked with avoiding the tag as if caught in a rundown.

The results, though perhaps giving an unfair advantage to the fielding team, could be perceived as yet another way to modernize the game. Fan reactions seem to indicate that the new method could indeed bring yet another level of excitement to stealing bases.

Here' the league's official demonstration footage...

No word yet on whether the new technology could be applied to other sports, though there are rumors some jockeys have suggested this could be just the thing to ramp up interest in thoroughbred horse racing.